Hire me to be a Grave robber!

Dear sir,

I recently saw your Craigslist job posting for a faux grave robber. I beleive I am uniquely suited for the job. This Halloween, you need someone to dig a grave in your front yard and creep out the guests, I get it. I beleive I have that special combination of class and creepiness that you are looking for. Observe:



Though I usually work alone, in the thick of the night, I understand the importance of teamwork when the casket, undead body, or riches are too heavy for one man to lift by his self. I assure you that I have three years of grave-digging experience, one at the managerial level. Also proficient in Excel and Powerpoint.